iad

Buze rosii, sangerii

Iluzii ametitoare…

Inlantuirea haotica

De membre si suflete

Otrava si elixir.

Imagini si reflexii

Ce-ntuneca gandirea.

Spirala de albastru

Vartejul de emotii.

Aici nu-i loc pentru

Credinta si salvare.

Aici gasesti pacatul

Cu-ntreaga lui savoare.

Intunericul scanteietor

Cu mii de ochi de sange

Cu mii de suflete

In valea care plange.

Sta scris in fata portii

Aici e casa mortii…

tears

Tears have fallen from the sky

Tears have fallen you know why.

Drowning now in tears of pain

Yes, our fight has been in vain.

Yes, our sorrow seems to be

But a drop of sweet eternity.

Shivers, thoughts and darkness

We are more but yet so less

We are strong but yet so weak

There’s no time for hide and seek.

Sinners, saints, all that you are

Make a wish upon a star.

Choose a dream and live it through

Feel a life for me and you.

Walk with us the realms of death

Come with violence and with wrath.

Teras have fallen from the sky

Tears have fed the famished land

Tears have fallen you know why

Yes, our dreams have turned to sand,

Yes, our life is soon to die…

tacere

Tacuti sunt oamenii pe strada

Tacuti ca fulgii de zapada.

Tacuta-i lumea tot mereu

Si mai mereu tacuta-s eu.

O liniste apasatoare

O liniste tulburatoare.

Tacuti sunt cei ce nu mai sunt,

Tacut e omul, iarasi e tacut.

Zgomotul lumii acum a tacut

Zbuciumul lumii acum este frant.

Peste toate domneste un cuvant

E moartea ce pana acum a tacut.

Acum isi cere durerea

Acum ea sparge tacerea.

Tacerea mortii era asurzitoare

Vorbirea ei e doar fermecatoare…

chasing illusions

i'm tired, i'm so tired, tonight i'm tired beyond the realms of death, beyond the realms of life.....i'm just tired. it hurts, you know. it hurts to feel the lack, it hurts to feel the presence, it hurts to feel..... i envy the lives of statues and graves. they are alone for eternity, but unlike me they are incapable to grief the void around them. how refreshing seems their solitary, hollow existence. how peaceful is their absence of emotion, their ocean without any shores. for me often motion takes the place of emotion. among the graves, as well as among people, you are never alone but yet so lonely.... the unique universes collide but yet they do not mingle. absent, time makes his presence felt in a paradoxal way, pourring into and out of everything. looking for it can be a very challenging hobby: a variety of chasing and catching movements, all bound to end in failure. catching time, well there's the modern Holy Graal! a quest for the brave or for the hopelessly insane. now excuse me while i'll go trap my own illusion.......

prozac nation in recovery

the threshold between being lucid and between being insane is so small and so hidden that you don't see it at first. you continue to be enchanted by its demonic power. the sweet delusion of being emerged in insanity seems so promising that you forget who you are and what your purpose is suppsoed to be.the illusion that you are is much more beautiful than the person that really hides behind the mask.and you get used to that situation where you hide behind a shattered image and pretend everything is ok. how simple seems to be: escaping from reality. actually it's much more difficult than you think at first. disturbed from the world you have created you find yourself, a stranger among people, like an uninvited guest that has no seat. recovering from insanity is sometimes hard, sometimes impossible, but if you pull through, maybe at the end of the road you will see that your trip to LALA land has done you good, has cured your soul and cleansed your mind. such a bliss to be hopelessly insane don't you think?

the god

This is the place where you'll meet your doom

This is the place where hell is in bloom

Starring at the waves of violence

In this grave of dust and silence

Pourring drops of white oleander

Distant lands where thoughts may wander

Smokey shades and silhouettes

There’s no time here for regrets.

Into the void… we walk into the void.

Carring our love and our hate

Carring on our shoulders a sentence by fate.

Across a river, stirred water

From fire and lust comes a daughter

She has many secrets, so many

She is herself a secret in every way.

The rooms are small and dark

And yet the letter stays as a mark.

She’s hopeless now

She has surrendered, taken a bow

Before the god, so savage, so rough

He is all, he is absolute, he is eternal

In this love so broken, infernal…

brief lives

Follow the wind

tender is the night,

Howling at the moon

City of the mind.

Darkness falls from the air-

Too loud a solitude.

The angel of pain,

From the house of war.

Shoot the woman first-

A good looking corpse

Heart of glass

Scream of stone.

Land of silence and darkness-

Silence of the lambs-

Where the green ants dream.

The architecture of desire,

The realm of senses

The lady or the tiger?

Tree of hands,

A closed eye.

I am right: You are wrong.

Brief lives…

capitulare

Am plecat pe cararea ce duce spre stele. Am incercat sa fug de mine. Dar sufletul m-a prins de haina.

-De ce fugi de lume, de ce fugi de oameni?

-Nu fug, vreau sa simt viata. Vreau sa evadez din lumea rece si gri. Monotona si banala. Neinsufletita.

-Ramai cu mine sa veghem prabusirea lumii. Nu-i vezi, sunt aproape! Mai au un pas si…

-Suflet pagan! Cum poti sa fii atat de crud si nepasator?

-Pot fi orice, oricum, oriunde. Imi fac griji doar pentru mine, am grija doar de mine, ma iubesc doar pe mine.

-Vezi? De asta vreau sa plec! Nu te mai support!

-De ce? Deoarece eu vreau sa ne fie noua bine? Ha!

-Vreau sa plec, sa caut, sa....nu stiu....vreau sa scap de infinitul ce se margineste la o stea! vreau sa cred, sa simt, sa iubesc, sa traiesc- departe de lume.

-Dar nu poti. Ceva te tine. Vrei sa stii si ce?

-Ce stii tu, suflet pagan?

Vocea ii devenise ca un tunet care-mi sfasia mintea:

-Eu stiu tot ce-a fost si este. Vrei sa scapi de-a lumii neagra fire ce se afla adanc in tine.

-Minti! Voi pleca, voi trece nepasatoare printre stele, nu voi fi ca ele!

-Lumea nu-i ceea ce pare, eu nu sunt ceea ce par, tu nu esti ceea ce pari, dar suntem de-acelasi gand si praf.

-Nu! Refuz sa cred!

-Nu vei crede, vei simti!

Mi-a pus mainile pe ochi si franturi de imagini au inceput sa tipe in jurul meu.

-Nu simti tulburarea lumii, nelinistea, zbuciumul? Nu poti sa fugi de ele! Sunt in tine, cresc, le-auzi?

-Da, atatea voci, atatea spirite, atatea suflete pierdute, atata durere! Nu,Nu,Nu………NU!!!

-Ba da! Nu ai scapare! Acum stai langa mine, vom privi a lumii-ntunecare!

L-am privit incet, simtind ca nu pot sa plec, ca nu ma va lasa niciodata sa plec, prizoniera propriei mele minti. I-am spus soptit:

-Ai castigat, raman, langa tine, suflet pagan!

Am inchis ochii ca sa nu-i mai vad zambetul triumfator....intunericul vine....

down here

while i was shattering
the sky,
the shadow caught
wings
and started to fly,
captured by the song
she sings.

revived from what seemed
to be a dream,
i walked the earth in
search of you.
but the shadow made
of steam
denied me of what's true.

i fell and tumbled from
the sky so blue.
and down here, guess what?
i found you...

i trust in you

trust in the eyes
that you see from the skies.
trust in the bones
that emerge in grey tones.
trust in the heart
that beats full of art.
trust in the soul
that denies its role.
trust in the woman
that you seem to be.
trust in the man
that has set you free.
trust in your mind
that fate is all blind.
trust in the rivers
that flow and the shivers.
trust in the touch
that has brought you so much.
trust in the ghost
that you love most.
trust and see,
trust in me...

tango

praful se ridicase in incapere. oamenii strigau cu zambete plutind pe fetele lor. stand intr-un colt, in umbra puteam privi in liniste. dansatorii. prinsi de farmecul melodiei se invarteau din ce in ce mai repede: rosu, negru, rosu, negru, rosu, negru.....melodia se poticni pentru o clipa si timpul se opri. multimea de spectatori striga fara glas in timp ca mainile lui o lasa usor in jos. hipnotizata privesc acest dans senzual....ea zambeste. a ajuns prea aproape de el....rade, rade cu toata vanitatea feminina. pasii lor rasuna pe scena improvizata. suparat, o invarte si mai tare, sarutand-o apasat. ea rade si mai tare. i s-a intins rujul. praful este omniprezent. miroase a tequilla, a dragoste, a sudoare.....jocul este mai elaborat. inlantuirea de brate si picioare are acum un scop mai profund. melodia are din nou un ritm alert. momentul s-a terminat. multimea a prins glas si striga iar. un nou cuplu ales la intamplare urca pe scena. plec, insotita numai de praf. pretutindeni praf.....

trapped illusions

i've known the chains around my heart all my life. they were there. no questions, no answers, no rebellion. i've walked the earth carrying my chains and that felt normal to me. how could you explain to a man who was born blind the color of sunset? he'll never understand, just as i never knew something was wrong. i saw faces and smiles around me and i was a perfect imitation mechanism. with the lift of a muscle i was happy. and it seemed normal. no feeling, no emotion, no movement inside me. all was calm and empty. the void in me knew no filling, accepted no attempt to be whole. an empty shell...that's what i was. i had begun to believe that nothing could fit and expand in my heart. what was that, that "love" that they talked about? what was it like to be "happy"? how did you feel when you were a part of "friends"? walking among people and observing their lives made me understand the meaning of "sad". i had nothing, they had everything. i was alone they were many. the void grew and the darkness was covering me. by becoming a shadow, things seemed easier. behind its shield, i could observe the "lab rats", their lives, emotions and their love. the world became my own personal experiment. unaware of me watching, they lived on and i lived through them. i still do. the void is there. dark, monumental and empty as always. the rusty chains around my heart are weakened, but still strong enough to not break. i guess i have to cry more until they shimmer away in a copper rain. maybe then i'll be free and the void will be just a bad memory.....

toujours je reve

Il n’y a qu’une difference

Entre la jour et la nuit

Toujours je reve.

Il n’y a qu’une difference

Entre mardi et mercredi

Toujours je reve.

Il n’y a qu’une difference

Entre mars et octobre

Toujours je reve.

Il n’y a qu’une difference

Entre la vie et la mort

Toujours je reve…

o fereastra deschisa

Ce poti sa simti in fata unei ferestre deschise? Ce sentiment iti aduce acea priveliste, acel gol intr-un zid nesfarsit? Stand in fata acelei ferestre simti viata curgand ca o cascada tumultoasa, simti cum lumea incepe sa se invarta dupa milenii de nemiscare, simti cum o energie straina iti patrunde in oase, ai sentimentul acela minunat de eliberare. Si oare ce poti cere mai mult de la univers?

Libertatea pe care ti-o afirma si pe care ti-o ofera acea fereastra deschisa nu o vei gasi niciunde in lume, caci fereastra deschisa reprezinta lumea intreaga, reprezinta lumea intreaga, o fereastra deschisa este libertatea....

numbness

The night was colder than usually and tears had dried on her face. The sadness that she had possesed or better said the sadness that had possesed her, was but a shadow. Looking at the darkness outside and searching with her eyes the infinity of stars, the world seemed so far away and so insignifiant. She had nothing in common with that flow of noises and people that passed through her mind everyday. She was just a spectator never an actor. She never felt alive, she was only there, like en element of scenery, no more alive that a table or a bed. She felt the emptyness inside of her, the void and she knew that there was nothing big enough to fill that void. She was alone in a sea of people and their words and thoughts passed right through her. Sometimes, after what seemed years of solitude, she yearned for some company but the desire was soon killed. She wondered, in the lonely nights, when her mind wandered on fields unknown to the world, how much time will it take to free herself of this burden, of this sorrow, of this loneliness. But the answer was left to be discovered, during the slow-motion of time, during the years so empty, so alone, so distant. She waited, she’s still waiting, she wants to know what it feels like when you’re alive….

why always ME!!!!!!!!!!!

ratacesc peste o mare a tacerii si a pacatelor si nu-mi gasesc linistea. O! dar nici nu o mai vreau... privesc pomii unduindu-se si simt adierea vantului sub soarele palid, dar placerile marunte ale vietii nu-mi mai aduc nici o bucurie. mereu planeaza o intrebare, o tortura pentru suflet. DE CE? intrebarea care e gravata in sufletul meu. DE CE EU? intrebarea care imi defineste viata.....

pieces of me

de fiecare data cand incerc sa ma caut dau peste un alt ''eu'' pe care il elimin rapid. dar nu m-am gasit pe mine . nu mai stiu unde sa caut. imi las gandurile bune, frumoase, urate, rele, macabre, aici. poate ma gasesti printre ele, mica si speriata, inconjurata de atatea ''euri''. sa-mi dai mana si sa ma ajuti sa ies. promiti?

evadare din mine

O lacrima a cazut pe pamantul uscat. Setea lui de lumina nu se potoleste doar cu atat. Ma revolt impotriva vietii, ma revolt impotriva mortii. Si-atunci? Ce mai ramane? Ce viata? Ce moarte? Nimic. Deci sunt in neantul universului meu. Am ales sa nu privesc inapoi, sa nu caut raspunsuri ce nu exista deoarece intrebarile n-au fost puse.

M-am zbatut sa ies din simplitatea vietii si am pierdut lupta dupa lupta. Dar, surpriza! razboiul l-am castigat eu! Am rupt barierele, am trecut clandestin granitele sufletului si acum vad cerul. Da, vad cerul, cerul meu. Pana acum am fost prea grabita, prea ocupata, prea obosita, dar nu! Acum, m-am intins pe iarba frageda si vad cerul. Nu mai ploua, nu mai tuna, nu mai plange. E senin. In sfarsit, simt lumea, simt viata, simt libertatea. Am evadat din mine, din fostul “Eu”..........

the missing piece

The night was so utterly dark that everything around you took scary dimensions and colours. You felt like you were in the darkest hell and there was no way out. The light that sprung from the lamps on the street was insuficient and seemed so far away and so small.

Every step you made on that road creeped fear, a petrifing feeling of fear into your bones. And yet you felt somehow at home. It was a return to your essence, cause we were all made of darkness. Somewhere on that path you felt fullfilled and complete. The darkness poured into your soul and there it slipped into its place like the missing piece of a monumental puzzle. The sunrise is now carressing your face but it doesn’t warm your heart. Your heart is dark and only darkness is now capable to put it on fire.

Your single purpose in life is darkness, your only craving is evil, your only desire is death cause that’s the darkest place of them all. But that’s where you feel perfect, away from the world…

viata de post

Suferinta ecoului

Aduce cu ea golul din vis.

Ce-as putea spune omului

Care se-afunda in necuprins?

Tacere! Blasfemia iubirii

Brazdeaza rani adanci

In trupul de suflet al eului meu,

Iluzii pagane se sfarma de stanci.

Veniti! Sa fugim de lume mereu!

Manati de naluca eternei nopti

Asteptam pierduti sfaramarea de porti.

Raspunsul la intrebarea fara rost

E un strigat de lupta si de durere.

Refuzam viata de post!

Avem o inima-nsangerata dupa cadere…

Am uitat sa traim si sa iubim

Dar mai presus de toate am uitat sa fim!

released

Lost in seas of sorrow

Injected with the hope

Of a new tomorrow.

Compressed with eyes of grief

Bedazzled by a false belief.

We walk, like puppets

Place now your eternal bets!

Released from our cages

We’re turning now the dusty pages

Of our novels filled with darkness

Nothing left here to confess.

Screaming, shattering the sky

Tiny, little, palish lie.

It is now the time to feed

Feel it now-the urge to breed!

Complicated, devlish sound

Was the anger ever bound

To our heart or is it free

Crushing now our chance to be?

hollows of the heart

A chill of unfortold nights

A piece of unbatlled fights

Can I be true just once?

And grab this fainted chance?

The night is dark and it is cold

Just as the tears I hold.

Come forth, my destiny

I want to see your face

I want to see the grace

What lies ahead of time?

What awful little crime?

In hollows of the heart

Where I will fall apart

I break my soul in shades

I cut my feelings with these blades

I’ll live one time, one space

But far of this forgotten place………

7 zile

Aruncat intr-o neagra disperare, intr-un intuneric total, inconjurat doar de gandurile tale, ganduri care nu pot sa sparga zidurile reci de caramida. Cat poate sa reziste un om in singuratatea unei celule fara zabrele, fara ferestre, fara lumina? Ne gandim ca n-avem nevoie de lumina pentru a supravietui, dar atunci de ce, privati de lumina, ne cuprinde acel sentiment panicant de teama, care poate fi mai sufocant ca lipsa de aer? Cate zile ai rezista, in adancul sufletului? Un om poate rezista 7 minute fara aer, 7 zile fara apa si 7 saptamani fara hrana. Dar singur, fara oameni, cat poti rezista? 7 luni? 7 ani? O eternitate? In cele din urma, oare chiar avem nevoie de oameni? Caci daca timpul s-a pierdut destul de mult printre clipe, nevoia de un lucru nu mai este atat de pregnanta ca in primele zile de disperare. Singuratatea poate fi un blestem sau o binecuvantare, poate fi o slabiciune sau o arma. Depinde de noi cum o folosim….

asteptare

Am ramas cu privirea pierduta la marginea infinitului. Ce zbor de ganduri imi tulbura linistea? Ce zvon de iluzii imi tulbura mintea? Ce zarva de sentimente imi tulbura inima? Alerg printre amintiri in cautarea unei sperante. Dar e ca si cum as alerga sa prind orizontul. Se departeaza de mine cu fiecare pas. Am incercat sa opresc timpul. Si? Ce-am obtinut? O intarziere neinsemnata a inevitabilului? Am crezut ca pot zidi cetati, ca pot ciopli statui, ca pot picta portrete. Si am zidit: cetati de iluzii, am cioplit statuia sufletului meu si am pictat gandurile pe panza mintii. Am trecut printre vise dar nu m-am oprit la niciunul. Am infruntat pericole, am luptat impotriva monstrilor imaginatiei mele si i-am invins. Am cautat adevaruri ce se ascundeau sub aparente dar nu am gasit decat minciuni ambalate cu hartie de adevar. Acum tot ce mai pot face este sa astept. Ce? Nu stiu. Astept probabil sa se prabuseasca cerul ca sa pot cladi altul………