trapped illusions

i've known the chains around my heart all my life. they were there. no questions, no answers, no rebellion. i've walked the earth carrying my chains and that felt normal to me. how could you explain to a man who was born blind the color of sunset? he'll never understand, just as i never knew something was wrong. i saw faces and smiles around me and i was a perfect imitation mechanism. with the lift of a muscle i was happy. and it seemed normal. no feeling, no emotion, no movement inside me. all was calm and empty. the void in me knew no filling, accepted no attempt to be whole. an empty shell...that's what i was. i had begun to believe that nothing could fit and expand in my heart. what was that, that "love" that they talked about? what was it like to be "happy"? how did you feel when you were a part of "friends"? walking among people and observing their lives made me understand the meaning of "sad". i had nothing, they had everything. i was alone they were many. the void grew and the darkness was covering me. by becoming a shadow, things seemed easier. behind its shield, i could observe the "lab rats", their lives, emotions and their love. the world became my own personal experiment. unaware of me watching, they lived on and i lived through them. i still do. the void is there. dark, monumental and empty as always. the rusty chains around my heart are weakened, but still strong enough to not break. i guess i have to cry more until they shimmer away in a copper rain. maybe then i'll be free and the void will be just a bad memory.....