numbness

The night was colder than usually and tears had dried on her face. The sadness that she had possesed or better said the sadness that had possesed her, was but a shadow. Looking at the darkness outside and searching with her eyes the infinity of stars, the world seemed so far away and so insignifiant. She had nothing in common with that flow of noises and people that passed through her mind everyday. She was just a spectator never an actor. She never felt alive, she was only there, like en element of scenery, no more alive that a table or a bed. She felt the emptyness inside of her, the void and she knew that there was nothing big enough to fill that void. She was alone in a sea of people and their words and thoughts passed right through her. Sometimes, after what seemed years of solitude, she yearned for some company but the desire was soon killed. She wondered, in the lonely nights, when her mind wandered on fields unknown to the world, how much time will it take to free herself of this burden, of this sorrow, of this loneliness. But the answer was left to be discovered, during the slow-motion of time, during the years so empty, so alone, so distant. She waited, she’s still waiting, she wants to know what it feels like when you’re alive….